Waiting Part 2

I’m over halfway into the TTW (two week wait).  I can be a patient person – usually, but this is just hard.  To be honest, I’ve already taken two pregnancy tests and of course they came back negative.  I know that it’s way too early to test.  The soonest that I could possibly get a positive would be 10 DPO, and even that might be too early.  I was just really hoping that I would be one of those women that can test rediculously early and have it come back positive.   J is thinking of hiding the pee sticks from me until Thursday, which will be 14 DPO (days past ovulation).  Maybe he should hide them, then I wouldn’t be tempted to use them every time I’m in the bathroom.  But, I really do want to test on 10 DPO, and then 12 DPO and if those are negative then 14 DPO.  I just want to know!

In the words of Inigo Montoya: “I hate waiting.”

In other news – I’m still cramping.  It goes between annoying to full blown painful and back to annoying.  My left side usually hurts the most, but my right side can chime in just as strong when it wants to.  Besides the pain, my body just feels stiff.  The best way I can think to describe it is it feels like I’ve been working out really well/hard and my muscles and joints are stiff from the workout.  Only, I haven’t been working out and the pain isn’t from my muscles being sore and tired.

I’m in the process of looking for a new doctor, so for those of you who keep thinking “Go to a Doctor!” I’m working on it.  My doctor that I was seeing up until now was great except for the fact that she pretty much disregarded anything I had to say about my endometriosis.

ME:  My pain is getting worse, what are we going to do about it?

Dr.: Take some tylenol and I’ll see you next year.

I know that I should have been looking for another doctor a long time ago, but as I was on continuous birth control so that I would only have a period 2 to 4 times a year, I wasn’t in a big rush.  Now that I’m off BC and my symptoms seem like they’re starting to snow ball it’s much more of a priority.  Too bad that all the doctor offices that I’ve called today are closed.  Why do all OB/GYNs have to be closed on Friday?

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Charts Galore!

I’ve now plugged my information into two other fertility sites in addition to Fertility Friend, and none of them can agree when I ovulated.  Fertility Friend says that I am now 6 days past ovulation, My Fertility Charts says that I’m 4 day past ovulation, and Countdown to Pregnancy says that I’m 5 days past ovulation.  The good news is that all of these sites agree that I did ovulate.  I’m holding out hope that my luteal phase is 14 days, as it has been in the past.  That will allow me to count backwards to see where I actually ovulated – if I even did.

I did see a temperature spike today, rising all the way up to 98.2.  However, I did oversleep this morning by about 45 minutes, so I’m hoping that it didn’t affect my temperature at all.  Let’s take a look at my chart (cause I know you haven’t had enough of that yet).

If you’re thinking that my chart looks fancier than in the past, you would be correct.  I guess Fertility Friend heard me complaining that I don’t get to use their cool features because they’re expensive, so they gave me a 5 day trial of the VIP membership.  I’ve played around with it a little bit.  I like the chart overlay feature, but I’m not sure how best to set it up.

For example:  If I set my chart up so that all of my ovulation days are synced I get a chart that looks like this:

Chart A:

Ovulation Sync

When you look at this one, it actually looks like my previous cycles are very similar.  To me, it looks like I start out high, then dip down, and then shoot right back up and stay there for the luteal phase.  This had me thinking that this is great!  I did ovulate, my charts have a forming pattern!!  And then I set the chart overlay up so that my CD1’s are synced:

Chart B:

CD 1 Sync

and in this case, they don’t look similar at all and all the new found excitement that I had from looking at the previous chart goes right out the window (insert sound of balloon deflating).

I’m inclined to use Chart A, as my cycles have not been the same number of days and it’s easier to  comprehend patterns when ovulation is matched up.  Also, as I’m trying to be more optimistic, I think I should go with the chart that shows me what I want to see.  But, I would like to know your opinion – so fellow readers, which chart would you use?

Ovulation still Imminent

I had a positive OPK again this morning.  According to fertility friend I can ovulate anywhere from CD 29 (yesterday) to CD 32 (which will be Sunday).  I don’t think it was yesterday as my temperature is still low.  I have a feeling that I’ll see a thermal shift tomorrow.  This officially has been my longest cycle of record.  Even the ones I had before birth control weren’t this long.  Although, admittedly I can’t really remember that far back accurately, as I was on BC for about 7 years.

I’m not sure why, but I have a positive feeling about this.  I think it might actually work.  It would be crazy to get pregnant on the first try, but super exciting as well.  I’m trying to remain practical about the whole thing though, but it’s hard.  I know that the likelihood of us getting pregnant on the first try is slim, even if we didn’t have fertility issues, but I can’t help but hope.   J and I really want this to work out, so I guess in a little over 2 weeks we’ll know one way or the other if it worked.  Keep your fingers crossed!

…Ugh

I’ve been so tired lately, not just tired, but exhausted.  I have absolutely no energy or drive to do anything but sit and stare.  I can’t remember the last time I had a restful nights sleep, it feels like it was weeks or even months ago that that happened, even though it’s probably just been a few days.

This latest stretch has been rough on me, especially since Saturday.  My hubby, J and I got home around 4:00 am on Saturday/Sunday morning.  That’s way late for me, and there wasn’t even any alcohol involved!  J is a band director and we’re in the middle of marching band season.  His band competed Saturday evening at a competition that was about 2 hours away.  So, when the competition ended at 1:00 am, we had a 2 hour bus ride back to the school.  We then had to wait for all the kiddies to be picked up before we could peace out, then add a 20 minute drive home and you get to 4:00 am.  For some odd reason I was wide awake when we got home and couldn’t fall asleep for another hour.  I woke up at 10 am, that’s right, I got a whopping 5 hours of sleep.

Me on 5 hours of sleep = not functional.  I am in no way one of those peppy people that wake up every day at 5 am ready to go and conquer the world.  I one of those people that need at least 8 hours to function and even with that, it’s likely that I’ll still snarl at you in the morning.  Despite the 2 hour nap I took later in the afternoon I haven’t been able to catch up on sleep and have been exhausted every day this week.  My work day consists primarily of me staring at the computer screen trying to concentrate and failing miserably.  I have piles and piles of papers all over my cubical and it’s starting to make me feel claustrophobic, but I just can’t seem to work through any of it.

The only bright side in any of this is the fact that I still haven’t ovulated yet.  So, I haven’t had to worry about the fact that I’m too tired to jump my husband.  Cross your fingers that I’ll be wide awake and rested when I wake up tomorrow morning.

OPK was negative this morning.  I’ll take one this afternoon when I get home from work and see how that goes.  I’m starting to get really irritated that the stupid pee stick refuses to smile at me.  On the bright side, I did see egg white cervical fluid today, although my cervix still seems low to me.

Amendment….Maybe

I’m still waiting to ovulate.  I’m on CD 26, and the OPKs are still reading negative.  In my first post I mentioned that my cycles appear to be regular and I’m starting to think that I might need to amend that.  Last month I ovulated on CD 25, and the time before that was CD 22.  It would seem that my cycles are gradually increasing in length.  I don’t know yet whether this is something to be concerned about.  It’s just during the follicular phase that I’m noticing the irregularity, my luteal phases have been consistently 14 days.   Here is the information that I have on my cycles so far:

First Cycle:

  • CD1: June 25th
  • Ovulation Date July 16th
  • Luteal Phase 14 days
  • Total Days: 36

Second Cycle:

  • CD1: July 31st
  • Ovulation Date: August 24th
  • Luteal Phase: 14 days
  • Total Days: 39

Third Cycle:

Chart

  • CD1: September 8th
  • Ovulation Date: Uknown
  • Luteal Phase: Uknown
  • Total Days: Uknown

If my cycles keep lengthening and don’t show some kind of regularity in the next few months it looks like I’ll have to go to the doctor to try and figure this out.  This is frustrating.

Each morning I pee in a cup, dunk my OPKs (a digital and regular one, because I don’t trust myself to read the regular one on it’s own), lay them out on the counter and then jump in the shower while I await the results.  And each morning I see an empty circle instead of a smiley face, as well as a line that just never seems as dark as the test line.  My temperature has also stayed consistently low.  It was 97.2 this morning, which is a record low for me.  I guess that the only thing that I can do is to keep waiting.  I’m probably worrying for nothing.  If I ovulate tomorrow, then my cycle will be a total of 41 days, which really isn’t that far from 39.  It’s just the fact that each one has been a different length of time and that I can’t help but think that it’s a forming trend.