Psoriasis???

A few weeks ago, I broke out in a rash on my stomach. It looked like a bunch of scabs: some teeny tiny, some as large as quarters. It didn’t itch, and wasn’t painful, it just looked bad.  
About a week or so after that, I got more scab like bumps on my arms, legs, chest and back. Again, they don’t itch, and don’t hurt…

These are on my forearm, but again much larger one on my stomach


I’ve been trying to self diagnose what they are, and as best I can tell, it’s psoriasis. I have a doctor appointment in about two weeks to check to be sure what it is exactly. If it is psoriasis, then that means I have an autoimmune disorder….and I’ll have to figure out what triggers it.


I have been reading that celiac disease is very common among people with psoriasis, and after doing a Whole 30 two years ago I noticed that I have a sensitivity to gluten and grains. So, I’m now really wondering about celiac or a gluten sensitivity as well.
Hopefully I’ll get some answers soon.

Difficult Day at Work

I feel so overwhelmingly run down, and so emotionally exhausted.  I am giving so much of my energy and attention to work right now, and I hardly ever feel rewarded for all of my hard work.  I work with kids who are rude and disrespectful to me and my colleagues every day, multiple times a day.  Up until this week I had a kid who was a runner and would all of a sudden not want to be in class anymore, and he’s get up and start running.  Once he even made it outside before he was restrained.  Thankfully, he was sent to an alternative school where they are more equipped to handle him and his outbursts.

But, today, I had a child push me.  Push as in physically assaulted me, and this is a child that I teach multiple times a day.  I was getting kids off of the bus, and a group of kids started running from the bus to the school, so I had them stop, walk back to the bus, and walk again to the building.  Two of the kids followed directions, one did not.  The third kid started shouting at me “You can’t tell me what to do!  I don’t have to listen to you!  You’re not in charge!  I don’t have to do anything you say!”  So, I got between him and the school building, and started to herd him back to the bus with my body, because dammit if he wasn’t going to follow the rules after giving that little spiel!  And, instead of backing up like any regular kid, this kid proceeds to put both hands of me and shove me out of his way (in case you’re wondering, he’s a third grader).

I got so mad that I started shaking.  How dare he lay his hands one me!  It took every ounce of my strength and resilience to not to yell at him and make a huge scene on the front steps of the elementary school, but I so wanted to!  Instead, I march into the building, found the principal and explained what happened.  The kid was then sent home.  I do not know if he was just sent home for the day, or if he was suspended.

Most days I like my job.  Today is not one of those days.  Tomorrow I’m going to have to find a way to get past what that kid did to me today, and still be his teacher, and still be able to smile and act like I like him.  Kids don’t learn from teachers they don’t like.  I still have to be this kids teacher.  I have to keep telling myself that.  Maybe if I say it enough, I’ll actually be able to do it….

If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another 

My house has been a petri dish this winter. One bug after another just seems to come through and knock the whole house on it’s ass. It seems one person or another has been sick since Christmas Eve….Two weekends ago Henry was sick, last weekend Ben got sick, and then Sunday I got sick.

I was out of work Monday and Tuesday with what I think was the flu: aches and pains, fever, runny nose, cough, feeling about as strong as a gnat…

So, I’ve been dealing with recovering from that, when I discover that it looks like I’m going to be getting my first post partum period in the next day or so….And, of course I had the thought a few weeks ago that I should start carrying around tampons just in case, but did I do that? No. Of course not.

Why do periods always have to come at the worst time? Why?

Unemployment

Wow…where to begin…

On Thursday, September 26, my Mother-In-Law came into work crying.  She said that my FIL had decided without telling anyone, that he wanted to close the business and had gone to see a bankruptcy lawyer to start the paperwork.  His son and my MIL are also partial owners and they refused to sign the papers, not wanting to give up on the company.  Later that night when J and I were talking to my BIL, he was very optimistic and said that my FIL just couldn’t take the stress of it anymore and snapped.  He told us that they had worked things out and things were looking up.  He told us point blank that I did not need to start looking for another job, that he was 75% sure that they would come through this.
Fast forward to Tuesday.  My MIL walked into work crying again and said that it was over.  That they (FIL, MIL and BIL) had all met with a bankruptcy attorney and signed papers to close the company.  I got 24 hours notice before the rest of the employees.  I’m now out of a job, as well as about 44 other people.  My In-Laws have the potential to lose everything – including their home.
As much as I hated working there, I never wanted this to happen.  Things are definitely scary for my family right now (In-Laws included).  I have to say that I’m beyond upset that no one could tell me honestly that this was happening or even that it had the potential to happen.  I’m devastated hat all 40+ employees were not given any notice that they were going to be out of a job.  I realize that this happened quickly, but they had to have known that the company was in decline for quite a while and that things were bleak – but no one mentioned a single word until it was over.
I’ve filed for unemployment.  I have 20 weeks before that ends.  I’ll get $137 a week from it….I can barely pay my power bill with that.  I’m definitely scared, frustrated and worried for my family.  I’m worried that if I can’t find another job soon that I’m not going to be able to pay all my bills, and I have no idea how we’ll manage if things come to that.  I’ve taken Henry out of daycare  – obviously since I’m home all day now.  J and I have stopped buying booze (at a time where it could REALLY come in handy too!), and are cutting all frills out of our life.  Things are looking rough financially for us and it scares the crap out of me.  I’ve been applying to as many jobs and I can find.  I have friends and family calling in good words and recommendations for me, and I’m hopeful that I’ll have another job soon.
As scared and frightened as I am, a large part of me wants to look at this as an opportunity for something good to come of it.  That because I’m no longer in that dead end job, I have an opportunity to find something that I’ll love, where I can go to work happy and feel like I’m making a difference.  So, half of me is scared shitless and the other half thinks “hey!  this might not be that bad at all!”
There is one sure bright side in all of this.  I get to stay home and spend some wonderful quality time with my baby!

Being a Homeowner

Being a homeowner is hard.  J and I are trying to make improvements and to our home as well as just maintaining it – you know, being responsible and shit.  What was on the docket this year was to paint the house, next year was to have 2 trees removed that are dead and dying, and then the year after that was to actually start beautifying the yard and inside.

When we bought our house a few years ago we knew that it needed to be painted.  We saved up the money to do it, and since March I’ve been calling painter after painter after painter.  A lot of them never returned my calls.  The ones that I got to call me back and schedule a time to come out and give ma quote, would never show up.  I finally was able to have 3 painters make it to my house to give me quotes.  And, after some negotiation and making sure that everything is in writing, it looks like we found the right painter to come out and paint our house.  We are about 2 steps away from officially hiring them and starting the process.

Now, simultaneously we were kinda starting to shop around for tree removal services.  Our neighborhood is older, and it’s covered in mature trees.  Our house was built in ’52 and we have about 5 oak tress in our back yard, and three in the front.  We had a friend of a friend stop by today to give us a quote to see how much it would be to cut down at least 1, but hopefully 2 trees.  The guy showed up this morning took one look at our dead tree and said he wouldn’t touch it.  It’s too dead for him to feel comfortable cutting it down.  He said that the people he would recommend to cut it down would charge $4000 baseline to get it down safely…., and that’s not even including the other tree that needs to be removed.  We were told that our dead tree cannot wait another year to be removed.  He even suggested we sleep in our living room during storms because it’s so precarious

Now I’m trying to figure out how to remove 2 trees (one very very dead tree) and paint our house all in the same year so that our house doesn’t start rotting or worse(?) have a tree fall on it.

We did contact our insurance company to see if they’d help with the cost of the tree removal.  We do have a tree removal clause in our home insurance, but they’re checking to see if it covers preventative or just fallen trees.

I’m feeling very much like an adult right now.  I’m freaking out about money, and I’m about to have a panic attack because of all of this.

Being a homeowner is hard…

I’m Just Going to Stop Planning Things….

I’m learning that I should stop making plans. It really seems like anytime that I do, they end up falling apart and never happening like they should. Let me give you a couple of examples:

The Plan:
Over a month ago, I bought a Groupon that was pay $10, get $20 to spend at the farmer’s market. I bought two of them. Three weekends ago, we were supposed to go to the farmer’s market after Henry’s swim class and stock up on produce and whatever else we wanted while there.

Reality:
I wake up at 5:30 in the morning throwing up the sushi that was in my stomach all night from dinner. And I proceeded to throw up until about noon that day. Then J got sick with it, and then Henry got really bad diarrhea from it. So, we were all a pathetic dribbling mess all weekend. Needless to say we didn’t go to the farmer’s market.

So, because I still had this Groupon that I needed to use, we decided that we’d try to plan it again. In addition to the Groupon, I had also bought tickets for Igudesman & Joo’s “Big Nightmare Music,” that was performing with the Greensboro Symphony, and we even had a babysitter set up for the night!

Re: The Plan:
So, Friday night, and I was going to leave work with Ali, the dog and head home to change and get ready to go out. J and the babysitter were going to pick up Henry from daycare and meet me at the house. I even bought a car adapter for my pump, so that I could pump on the way to the event! Afterwards we were going to go out to eat and have a couple drinks and enjoy time out of the house with each other. On Saturday, we’d go to Henry’s swim class, and then go to the farmers market.

Reality:
I left work with Ali. J picked up the babysitter and headed over to the daycare to pick up Henry. I proceeded to drive most of the way home. It was beautiful out, so I had the windows open and the radio turned up. As soon as I turned off the Hwy, around 5:30, I hit some rush hour traffic. Nothing major. It was stop and go traffic for a little while, and when I was going, the car in front of me all of a sudden slammed on his brakes. I had no choice but to slam on mine. Ali, who rides shotgun, hit the dashboard with her front paws, and proceed to rebound out of the opened window and landed on the ground next to the car.

I sat in my seat going “what the fuck just happened,” for a split second before I noticed that the dog was now taking off down a busy road in rush hour traffic. I whipped my car into the parking lot that I was sitting beside and took off after her on foot. I left my purse, keys, phone, everything, in the car and just started running down the street.

When I made it to the next big intersection, I saw J in his car with the baby and the babysitter waiting at a light. I start yelling at him like a mad woman to park the car and help me run after the dog, and I start running down the road again. I got reports from people stuck in traffic that my dog was farther up the road, running. No one, apparently, could be bothered to get out of their car to grab her….so, I kept running.

J and I are running basically all over downtown Asheboro calling Ali’s name and looking for her. Eventually, I lost complete sight of her, so I decided to run back to my car to try and catch up to her that way. J, keeps going on foot while I’m going back to my car.

I drive all over looking for her and calling her name. On one of my trips around, I pick up J and we start looking together. After sometime has passed, we both realize that Henry and the babysitter are still sitting in J’s car waiting on us. So, I drive back to J’s car so he can take them to the house. Thankfully, the baby and the babysitter were awesome and didn’t seem to mind the wait.

When we get them back to the house, J and I consolidate cars and head out together to keep looking for her. This is around 6:00 or 6:30. We drive around calling for Ali and asking people if they’d see her until almost 10:00, when it was too dark to continue the search. With heavy hearts and tears welling in my eyes, we decided to go home and start the search again in the morning.

J moved her bed onto the front porch of our house in case she made it home in the middle of the night. After that, we both were just sitting, in shock and horror at what had happened. We were terrified and beyond upset and I burst into tears more than once. At some point we both fell asleep from the adrenaline leaving our systems.

Henry slept until 7:30 that morning, and as I was nursing him, J left to look for Ali. I nursed Henry, changed his diaper, got him dressed and was feeding him breakfast when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. I thought it was J coming home to get us to help him search, so I went to the door to open it for him. Instead of J, I see a man, his daughter and Ali in the driveway, coming up to the house!

I burst into tears all over again and collapsed on the ground to hug my incredibly dirty dog. Her rescuers said that they saw her running down the road yesterday around 6:00. They said that at around 11:00 the night before, she wandered into their yard, and they kept her until this morning before dropping her off. I am beyond grateful that they cared for her and brought her back. I will always be grateful to them for helping our family.

Ali is dirty, and still exhausted from her several hour run, but she’s unharmed. No scratches or bruises. No broken bones, or anything like that. Her feet are a little tender from her run, but nothing major. I can’t express how happy I am to have her home. J and I went out and bought her a doggy seat belt so that she won’t be going out anymore windows.

Needless to say, our date night, Henry’s swim lesson and our trip to the farmer’s market didn’t happen that day. I really think I’m going to stop planning things. It seems I only invite trouble to happen when I do.

…what a weekend…

Dates

I love going out on dates with my husband, which is fitting, since I did marry him.  We spent all of yesterday hanging out together and just generally having a good time.  We took it easy at home all morning, relaxing and catching up on our favorite shows that we missed during the week.  Then, we got ready/dressed for the day and went to go see The Avengers.  I do have to say that the whole movie going experience was a little sad as I couldn’t enjoy my usual of sourpatch kids and a large coke – and I could only have a minimal amount of popcorn.  However, the movie being awesome made up for the lack of snacks.  The only downside to the movie (which really isn’t a downside at all) was that the movie was long.  About 3/4 of the way through, my back and hips really started to bother me, which caused me to squirm and fidget through the entire battle scene of the movie because I couldn’t get comfortable.  This should fix itself soon enough once the baby is born, and then I’ll be able to sit for long periods of time without whimpering.

After the movie, we wandered around the mall so I could stretch my legs.  I bought some lotion from bath and body works that I’m planning on putting in the hospital bag (or the Baby Bug Out Bag as J likes to call it), it’s called Stress Relief and has eucalyptus and spearamint in it and just smells awesome.  From there we made our way downtown and wandered around the shops that were still opened.  We didn’t get to do that for very long because my back really started to hurt (it appears that I can’t sit or stand for any length of time without whimpering, thanks to my ever changing center of gravity).

We ended our night at a local bar where J had a couple beers and I had a few unsweet teas (something does not seem quite fair about that) and we sat and talked for a  few hours, just enjoying each others company.

I cherish the days when we can spend time with each other like that.  Days where we spend our whole time together holding hands, smiling and laughing.  I’m so fortunate that I was able to marry my best friend, and I look forward to a lifetime of similarly perfect dates with him.

I love you J, thank you for a wonderful date!