Waiting Part 2

I’m over halfway into the TTW (two week wait).  I can be a patient person – usually, but this is just hard.  To be honest, I’ve already taken two pregnancy tests and of course they came back negative.  I know that it’s way too early to test.  The soonest that I could possibly get a positive would be 10 DPO, and even that might be too early.  I was just really hoping that I would be one of those women that can test rediculously early and have it come back positive.   J is thinking of hiding the pee sticks from me until Thursday, which will be 14 DPO (days past ovulation).  Maybe he should hide them, then I wouldn’t be tempted to use them every time I’m in the bathroom.  But, I really do want to test on 10 DPO, and then 12 DPO and if those are negative then 14 DPO.  I just want to know!

In the words of Inigo Montoya: “I hate waiting.”

In other news – I’m still cramping.  It goes between annoying to full blown painful and back to annoying.  My left side usually hurts the most, but my right side can chime in just as strong when it wants to.  Besides the pain, my body just feels stiff.  The best way I can think to describe it is it feels like I’ve been working out really well/hard and my muscles and joints are stiff from the workout.  Only, I haven’t been working out and the pain isn’t from my muscles being sore and tired.

I’m in the process of looking for a new doctor, so for those of you who keep thinking “Go to a Doctor!” I’m working on it.  My doctor that I was seeing up until now was great except for the fact that she pretty much disregarded anything I had to say about my endometriosis.

ME:  My pain is getting worse, what are we going to do about it?

Dr.: Take some tylenol and I’ll see you next year.

I know that I should have been looking for another doctor a long time ago, but as I was on continuous birth control so that I would only have a period 2 to 4 times a year, I wasn’t in a big rush.  Now that I’m off BC and my symptoms seem like they’re starting to snow ball it’s much more of a priority.  Too bad that all the doctor offices that I’ve called today are closed.  Why do all OB/GYNs have to be closed on Friday?

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Cramps

For the past few days I’ve been cramping.  It hasn’t been agonizing, it’s mostly just been annoying, but every now and then there’s something sharp enough to make me think “ouch!”  It started out just on my left side, a twinge here, a sharp pain there, some dull aching, but as the days went by it’s moved to the whole lower abdomen, my lower back, as well as my left upper leg.  I have no idea why this is happening.  Usually I only start to get these kinds of pains when my period is approaching, but (if it’s coming) it’s not due until the 21st at the earliest.

I’m starting to get uncomfortable, as well as just plain tired.  It seems like I always have some sort of fatigue.  I know that fatigue is a symptom of endo, but this feels extreme to me.  I feel as though I never get enough restful sleep.  I can’t remember anytime in the past where I’ve woken up energized.  There have been times where I wake up and I’m mostly awake, but that awake feeling usually dissipates in about 2 to 3 hours and I’m back to dragging myself along.

I’m wondering if being on BC for so long has kept my endo in check (isn’t that what the hormones were supposed to do?), at least for the most part.  While I was on BC, my periods (which I tried very hard not to have) were very painful, but they were pretty much the only symptom that I had.  Now that I’m no longer on BC I’m finding myself cramping and being in pain when my period is barely on the horizon.

Trying to be proactive (again with the optimism) I’ve toyed around with going on an endo diet.  It entails cutting out a lot of things in my diet to help with limiting swelling, as well as cutting down on my intake of estrogen promoting foods.  I tried it a couple months ago with limited success, but I’m wondering if I should give it a more dedicated go-round.  This is a tough diet to follow, you have to cut out a lot of t hings, and some seem almost impossible to cut out completely unless your cooking every meal you eat, everyday.  And, unless you have no social life that’s pretty much impossible to do.

Things to cut out:

  • Red Meat
  • Wheat (Will probably reduce drastically, but not cut completely cause sandwich’s are my favorite kind of food)
  • Alcohol (I’ve already done this one)
  • Caffeine (This one makes me want to cry)
  • Soy (Will be difficult b/c it’s in everything!)
  • Processed foods
  • Dairy (I can’t give this one up, but I will reduce)
  • Sugar – also includes the fake kind (I basically only put this in my coffee, which I have to cut out anyway)

This is definitely something that I will be thinking about.  I know that it takes a lot of forethought and planning, so I need to try and gear myself up for that.  If I do go for it, I’ll start it next week.  This weekend is going to be crazy and I don’t need to make it more hectic than it’s already going to be.

Fighting for Optimism

My husband J and I have reached a point where we are ready for a family.  I’m hoping that this blog can be an outlet for me while we’re TTC, as well as when we are pregnant, and subsequently when we have a baby.  We’re super excited and nervous at the prospect of becoming parents, but above all we believe that we’re ready.  As ready as two people without children can believe that they’re ready to have kids.

I’ve been tracking my basal body temperature every morning, as well as my cervical fluid and cervix placement and texture, and everything that I can do to get ready to start trying.  We haven’t started trying yet.  Don’t get me wrong – we’ve been practicing =), but nothing official.  I’ve been off of birth control since June 20 and was told to have 2 periods that weren’t birth  control induced, and it’s taken till the middle of September for that to happen.  I’ll ovulate around the 30th of this month – which will mark the beginning of us TTC – unless you count all the prep work leading up to it, and I’m not sure that I do.

We have a couple things that might/will (not sure of the correct word placement here) make it difficult for us to conceive.  The first being that I have endometriosis.  I haven’t had a laproscopy to confirm, for some reason my doctor has never recommended it, but I have all of the symptoms.  For those of you that don’t know what endometriosis is, know that it’s painful, excruciating and debilitating and can cause infertility.  The second hurtle to over come is the fact that I have long cycles.  While they appear to be regular, they last about 40 days.  While this isn’t a medical problem, it does mean that we’ll have fewer chances within the year to try.  If we don’t get pregnant right away, the next time we’ll be able to try will be in the middle of November.

The reason I’m fighting for optimism is that I don’t think that we’ll get pregnant right away.  I’d love to be wrong, I’m wishing and hoping that I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s going to happen this year.  I have a strong feeling that I am going to have a long and painful year ahead of me.