I feel so overwhelmingly run down, and so emotionally exhausted. I am giving so much of my energy and attention to work right now, and I hardly ever feel rewarded for all of my hard work. I work with kids who are rude and disrespectful to me and my colleagues every day, multiple times a day. Up until this week I had a kid who was a runner and would all of a sudden not want to be in class anymore, and he’s get up and start running. Once he even made it outside before he was restrained. Thankfully, he was sent to an alternative school where they are more equipped to handle him and his outbursts.
But, today, I had a child push me. Push as in physically assaulted me, and this is a child that I teach multiple times a day. I was getting kids off of the bus, and a group of kids started running from the bus to the school, so I had them stop, walk back to the bus, and walk again to the building. Two of the kids followed directions, one did not. The third kid started shouting at me “You can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to listen to you! You’re not in charge! I don’t have to do anything you say!” So, I got between him and the school building, and started to herd him back to the bus with my body, because dammit if he wasn’t going to follow the rules after giving that little spiel! And, instead of backing up like any regular kid, this kid proceeds to put both hands of me and shove me out of his way (in case you’re wondering, he’s a third grader).
I got so mad that I started shaking. How dare he lay his hands one me! It took every ounce of my strength and resilience to not to yell at him and make a huge scene on the front steps of the elementary school, but I so wanted to! Instead, I march into the building, found the principal and explained what happened. The kid was then sent home. I do not know if he was just sent home for the day, or if he was suspended.
Most days I like my job. Today is not one of those days. Tomorrow I’m going to have to find a way to get past what that kid did to me today, and still be his teacher, and still be able to smile and act like I like him. Kids don’t learn from teachers they don’t like. I still have to be this kids teacher. I have to keep telling myself that. Maybe if I say it enough, I’ll actually be able to do it….