Ben has his assessment with the NC Infant-Toddler Program on Wednesday morning. Even though I’ve walked down this road with Henry, I’m still nervous and anxious about the situation with Ben. I’m worried about his limitations. It seems like the list of things he can’t do for his age is long, and it seems like it keeps growing.
As of right now, Ben cannot:
- Roll over from back to tummy
- Lift his arms up over his head (we can move his arms there, but he can’t do it himself)
- Crawl (he is 95% immobile – can can push himself backwards while on his tummy and spin around, but that’s it. He also hasn’t discovered that he can get to places he wants like that, he seems to be doing it by accident)
- Pull up
- Get to a sitting position on his own. Although, he has just learned how to get from sitting to his tummy, but it seems to be more a face plant than anything else….
This situation definitely causes me to question why Ben isn’t crawling. I keep wondering if it’s something that J and I did – or didn’t do, or if it’s genetic since both of my boys have/had this issue. I definitely have feelings of guilt, anxiety, stress and just an overwhelming sadness that we’re back on this road again. I’m really wondering what the outcome of the assessment is going to be on Wednesday….
- Starting Weight: 173.8
- Last Weigh-In:172.2 (I know it’s been more than a week)
- Today’s Weight: 168.2
- Total Lost so far: 5.6 lbs
I’m not sure how I did this, probably by having the flu and not eating anything for 2 days. The good news is that my school intersession is coming up an I’ll have two weeks off to really focus on my weight loss. Here’s my plan:
Eating wise I’m going to follow a Southbeach style diet. Which basically means that I can have protein, dairy, limited fruits and a ton of veggies. It’s very restrictive on carbs, or at least phase 1 is. So, during those two weeks I’ll being phase 1 with a few modifications – those mostly being adding beans and having a glass of wine every now and then.
I’m going to follow my Chalean Extreme workouts on beachbody on demand. I got two weeks into it and then got the flu, so I’ll pick up where I left off. I’m also going to start walking again as well, especially since the weather is warming up and getting nicer, plus carrying a 20+ pound baby while walking is a workout in and of itself.
I’m really hoping with this renewed plan and having the time to do it all when the baby is napping etc., will really help me out. And, even more I’m hoping that I’ll see the results on the scale.
I feel so overwhelmingly run down, and so emotionally exhausted. I am giving so much of my energy and attention to work right now, and I hardly ever feel rewarded for all of my hard work. I work with kids who are rude and disrespectful to me and my colleagues every day, multiple times a day. Up until this week I had a kid who was a runner and would all of a sudden not want to be in class anymore, and he’s get up and start running. Once he even made it outside before he was restrained. Thankfully, he was sent to an alternative school where they are more equipped to handle him and his outbursts.
But, today, I had a child push me. Push as in physically assaulted me, and this is a child that I teach multiple times a day. I was getting kids off of the bus, and a group of kids started running from the bus to the school, so I had them stop, walk back to the bus, and walk again to the building. Two of the kids followed directions, one did not. The third kid started shouting at me “You can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to listen to you! You’re not in charge! I don’t have to do anything you say!” So, I got between him and the school building, and started to herd him back to the bus with my body, because dammit if he wasn’t going to follow the rules after giving that little spiel! And, instead of backing up like any regular kid, this kid proceeds to put both hands of me and shove me out of his way (in case you’re wondering, he’s a third grader).
I got so mad that I started shaking. How dare he lay his hands one me! It took every ounce of my strength and resilience to not to yell at him and make a huge scene on the front steps of the elementary school, but I so wanted to! Instead, I march into the building, found the principal and explained what happened. The kid was then sent home. I do not know if he was just sent home for the day, or if he was suspended.
Most days I like my job. Today is not one of those days. Tomorrow I’m going to have to find a way to get past what that kid did to me today, and still be his teacher, and still be able to smile and act like I like him. Kids don’t learn from teachers they don’t like. I still have to be this kids teacher. I have to keep telling myself that. Maybe if I say it enough, I’ll actually be able to do it….
My house has been a petri dish this winter. One bug after another just seems to come through and knock the whole house on it’s ass. It seems one person or another has been sick since Christmas Eve….Two weekends ago Henry was sick, last weekend Ben got sick, and then Sunday I got sick.
I was out of work Monday and Tuesday with what I think was the flu: aches and pains, fever, runny nose, cough, feeling about as strong as a gnat…
So, I’ve been dealing with recovering from that, when I discover that it looks like I’m going to be getting my first post partum period in the next day or so….And, of course I had the thought a few weeks ago that I should start carrying around tampons just in case, but did I do that? No. Of course not.
Why do periods always have to come at the worst time? Why?