I’m tired. It’s more than tired. I’m exhausted. So exhausted that it’s a struggle to form a sentence.
Everyday this week Ben has woken up at 4:30 to nurse. So, J and I get up, change his diaper and then we bring him into bed with us. I nurse him in the sidelying position and doze for the next 45 minutes until my alarm goes off at 5:25. I never really fall asleep – mostly because I need to be conscious enough to relatch Ben if he comes off.

I get ready for the day at 5:25, and by 6:15 I’ll wake Ben back up to nurse one more time before I leave for work. I’m usually out the door between 6:45-6:50.  

Then I’m at work from 7:00 – 3:15. I run around all day, getting this kid from that classroom and that kid from this classroom and then walking them to my classroom to teach for 30 minutes, and then walking them back after.

Once I’m home, I get handed a hungry baby and I nurse him anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, but it honestly feels like he’s attached to me from 3:30 until I need to hand him off so I can cook dinner.  

I cook dinner from 6-7, and then we eat dinner at the table as a family. Then it’s clean up time. We do dishes, put away left overs, make lunches for me, J and Henry. We wash bottles and all of my pump parts, and I repack my pump bag. I make my breakfast for in the morning (mason jar oatmeal). After all that is done, Ben is usually hungry again, and it’s time to get Henry to bed.

So, we get both boys in pjs, and Ben in his sleep sack, and I nurse Ben while J helps brush Henry’s teeth, picks out a book or two and then tuck Henry in bed. We’ll usually sing a song to Henry. I’ll go in Ben’s room and finish nursing Ben in the rocking chair. Henry has lights out at 9, and Ben is usually out by 9:30.  

After all of that I collapse into bed and am out by 10:00, only to be waken up at 4:30 again to start my day the next day.  

Last night I was so tired that I could barely function and I was rediculously close to tears for most of the night. I need sleep. I’m not getting enough sleep, and I have no idea how to get more…..

it’s a good thing he’s so cute


Month 3

Dear Ben,
You are three months old! Time is flying by way too fast! I can’t believe how big you’re getting and how much you’re changing in just a short period of time. So much seems to have changed this past month.  

You’re neck control is so much better, in fact the other night we faced you outward in the baby carrier that we have, and you did absolutely great. Tummy time is getting better every day. You’ll go for longer and longer stretches before you completely lose your shit and scream your head off.

Just this past weekend we moved you into your room. It feels strange not to have you at arms reach any more. I’m not sure if I’m emotionally ready for the move, but we were all waking each other up recently when you were in our room, so the move just seemed to make sense. You’ll sleep in your crib from about 9:30 – 4:00, and then you’ll wake up to nurse. I’ll feed you, and then you go back into your bed for another 2-3 hours.  

When you were 11 weeks old, I returned to work. The transition from being with you all day to being away from you for most of the day has been hard. I miss you all the time. I find myself constantly looking at pictures of you and thinking about you – which has caused my shirts to get wet at work a few times. I do know that you are being well taken care of during the day. Your Gram is there for you the whole time, and she give you so much love while I’m away at work. I wish I could be home with you, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for us right now.        

You just went through your three month growth spurt. You were eating nonstop for a week! Everything I could possibly pump at work you were eating, and some days you were eating even more. Then, when I got home from work, you would nurse almost constantly. Besides the added eating, you can definitely tell that you’ve grown just by looking at you. Your cheeks have filled out, your little legs have the most adorable rolls on them, and you just seem huge! You’re wearing 6-9 month clothing too, which just boggles my mind.

You’re also cooing and “talking” soo much right now. I love to hear your voice and listen to you. And, this weekend, your dad, Gram, Henry and I got to hear you laugh! It was the most precious sound in the world. There’s just nothing like it. You’re such a happy baby, smiling so much and watching and taking in the world around you. Keep those smiles and laughs coming!  

At 3 Months Old you LOVE:

Being held


People singing to you

People making funny faces/ noises at you

Being outside

Having your diaper changed

At 3 Months Old you HATE:

Being hungry

Being tired

Being over/ understimulated

Being tickled (although it sometimes makes you laugh)

Being made to wait. You are very impatient, and when you want something, you want it then. I’ve told your dad that you have three levels 1. Happy, 2. Starting to get upset, but not upset yet and 3. Defcon 4

I love you with all of my heart. I’m enthralled with watching you grow and change. I’m excited to watch you grow into a little boy, and see how your personality develops.