Waiting Again

I’ve been struggling to write this post for a few days now. I just can’t find the right words to explain what’s going on in my head, so I’m sorry if this is a bit disjointed and hard to follow.
I’ve started the progesterone supplements and I’ve been on them for a week now. My morning sickness is also in full swing – I’ve been throwing up, nauseous all day and that type of thing. I was even out of work on Tuesday and Wednesday because of it.

At first I thought that the morning sickness was a good sign. But, the more I read the more I know that I can’t use it as evidence that everything’s ok. According to the internet, you can still have horrible morning sickness even after you’ve miscarried because the placenta lives a few weeks longer than the baby in the case of a miscarriage. I haven’t had any bad cramping and absolutely no bleeding – but I’m fairly certain the progesterone supplements would keep either of those things from showing up.

I still have another week to go before I have my ultrasound to see if there’s a heartbeat. I feel stuck and scared. I just want everything to be alright. But, as much as I’m hoping that everything is perfect, I’m also of afraid of getting my hopes up in case there is no heartbeat next Friday.

I have no idea what to do, and it seems like the only thing I can do, is wait…  

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