Week 7

Right now you’re as big as a blueberry. You are growing like crazy, and you’ve doubled in size since last week. You’re brain is adding about one hundred new brain cells each minute. Your heart is also beating and working, and you’ve got a working set of kidneys! My goodness you’ve been busy in a week!
Morning sickness is just awful. I forgot how bad it really is. I’m queasy every moment that I’m awake. I’m throwing up at least once a day, and that’s on anti-nausea meds. My boobs are really sore and I’m exhausted ALL THE TIME! Seriously, I feel like I come home from work and I just collapse on the sofa, which then causes me to fall asleep.

I keep reading that you start to show earlier in subsequent pregnancies, and that must be true, because my pants are already tight – uncomfortably tight. I think it will only be another week, two at the most before I have to break out my belly bands. With your brother I never bought a pair of maternity pants, I just wore belly bands, and I’m wondering if I’m going to have to break down and buy maternity pants this time around. I guess we’ll see.

I have an ultrasound schedule for Friday (October 30) to see if you have a heartbeat and to make sure you’re growing like you should. I’m so nervous. I want Friday to get here to that I can know everything’s ok, but I also don’t want Friday to get here so that I can keep thinking everything’s ok. I’m worried about you, hopefully I’ll have a million more times to be worried about you too.

Please keep growing.

I love you,

Momma

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Waiting Again

I’ve been struggling to write this post for a few days now. I just can’t find the right words to explain what’s going on in my head, so I’m sorry if this is a bit disjointed and hard to follow.
I’ve started the progesterone supplements and I’ve been on them for a week now. My morning sickness is also in full swing – I’ve been throwing up, nauseous all day and that type of thing. I was even out of work on Tuesday and Wednesday because of it.

At first I thought that the morning sickness was a good sign. But, the more I read the more I know that I can’t use it as evidence that everything’s ok. According to the internet, you can still have horrible morning sickness even after you’ve miscarried because the placenta lives a few weeks longer than the baby in the case of a miscarriage. I haven’t had any bad cramping and absolutely no bleeding – but I’m fairly certain the progesterone supplements would keep either of those things from showing up.

I still have another week to go before I have my ultrasound to see if there’s a heartbeat. I feel stuck and scared. I just want everything to be alright. But, as much as I’m hoping that everything is perfect, I’m also of afraid of getting my hopes up in case there is no heartbeat next Friday.

I have no idea what to do, and it seems like the only thing I can do, is wait…  

Week 6

Dear Baby,

We’ve made it to six weeks!  You’re now the size of a sweet pea.  Your features are starting to form.  Your eyes, cheeks, chin, ears and nose are setting into place to make you a little cutie.  You’ve also got hands and feet, although, they’re webbed.  Your heart is beating, and blood is circulating.  You’re starting to look more and more like a baby as each day passes.  I can’t wait to see your sweet face!

My morning sickness is in full swing.  I started to throw up yesterday, and ended up having to leave work because I was having to run to the bathroom so often.  I’m totally fine with the morning sickness if it means that you’re ok.  I’m on progesterone supplements because my hormone levels took a dive, and I’ll be honest, I’m really worried about that.  I’m worried that my hormone levels won’t get up to where they need to be in time and that I’ll miscarry.  I go back to the midwife next week, and we’ll be able to check to see how you’re doing.  It looks like I’ll just have to sit on pins and needles until then.

Please keep growing.

I love you,

Momma

Progesterone and Ultrasounds

I had my midwife appointment and ultrasound on Thursday. 
I got there right one time. My appointment was set to be at 4:15, but like most doctors appointment, I was kept waiting in the waiting room until 4:30. I was totally fine with this, though. J was driving as fast as he possibly could so that he could make the ultrasound (he works about 50 minutes away).  
At 4:30, I was taken to the lab get my blood drawn to check my progesterone levels. That was easy peasy. And then I was sent back to the waiting room to wait for my ultrasound. by this point it was 4:40. J still wasn’t there but I was getting texts from him that he was about 20 minutes out.  
The technician came out and got me, told me to empty my bladder and then disrobe from the waist down. I was trying to stall and take my time. I must have washed my hands for a solid 3 minutes. I got situated on the table, and I got a text from J that he was 10 minutes out. I was thinking that he would make the very end of the ultrasound, but the ultrasound only took about 3-5 minutes. It was very quick. But, I got to see the baby =). She estimated that I’m about 5 weeks 4 days, but that it’s hard to be sure when it’s this small. As soon as she left to let me get dressed I got a text from J that he was running in the front door. He met me in the waiting room and then we waited for my midwife to go over the ultrasound results with us.  
She told us that everything was looking perfect (that was her word), and for us to keep going like we’re going. She mentioned that she was a pinch concerned about my progesterone levels, but that the last time they took it, it was still probably increasing and that we probably had nothing to worry about. The last time they took it, it was at 11. She said that when they took it on Thursday, they expected it to be between 18-25.
I got my results back on Friday afternoon. My progesterone level was 6. It had dropped. Progesterone is responsible for maintaining the pregnancy, so if the level continues to drop, there’s every expectation that I’ll have miscarriage.  
I was started on a progesterone vaginal suppository, and I go back on the 30th to have another ultrasound, and another progesterone level drawn. The ultrasound will tell us if the pregnancy is viable or not. If there’s no heartbeat, then we lost the baby. If there is a heartbeat, then I stay on progesterone until I’m reassessed at 12 weeks.
I’m terrified right now. J wants to remain positive, and keeps telling me to stay positive. Let’s assume everything is fine until we know otherwise. But, it’s just so hard for me to stay positive when I was to wait two weeks to know…..

Churning

Oh the nausea…..this is awful. I remember that pregnancy nausea was bad, but I forgot the extent of the awfulness. I feel like I’m going to quite literally lose it and start throwing up today. I really don’t want to throw up at work….And I have no idea what I’m supposed to do if I have a group of kids that I’m teaching when I need to run for the bathroom…..I really have no idea how to handle that, and it’s starting to stress me out a bit, which in turn is not helping to settle my stomach.

Week 5

Dear Baby,

You’re now the size of an apple seed! You’re starting to form all of your major organs: heart, stomach, liver and kidneys, as well as your digestive, circulatory and nervous systems. While you’re still incredibly tiny, you’re also measurable! And, if I could see you, you would like a tadpole.

Right now these weeks seems to be dragging by. I’m so excited to be pregnant with you, and I wish that I could just skip to the end so that I can meet you. I’m hoping that the days start to pick up soon! On the bright side, I get to have an ultrasound done of you tomorrow! I’m so excited! I know it’s still really early for an ultrasound, but I’m giddy at the thought of seeing you so soon!

As far as developments with me, I’m starting to get more and more nauseous. I haven’t thrown up yet, which I’m very thankful for, but the thought of food makes me come close to doing it. Also, smells……smells are just awful. My nose seems to pick up smells so much easier than before, and most of them send my stomach churning. I’ve also started to get heartburn. This is very new for me. I think with your brother I only had 3 of 4 instances of heartburn, and they didn’t develop until the third trimester. So on the bright side, if this heartburn keeps up, you’ll be born with a full head of hair. I’m still tired all the time, and get tired and worn out very easily, and I really don’t expect that to change for the next 35 weeks.  

Keep Growing and know that I love you,

Momma  

Week 4

Dear Baby,

It’s already week 4 and you’re the size of a poppy seed!  You’re heart has started to beat, and you’re nervous, muscular and skeletal systems have all started to form, and very soon you will resemble tadpole.

Your Dad and I had a stressful week because my midwife was worried about my hcg and progesterone levels, and I had a lot of blood work done every two days, but we finally got the word on Friday that everything looks good!  My numbers are increasing like they should, and it looks like everything is going to be ok.  I had the biggest sigh of relief on Friday.  I’m so happy that everything is going like it should.  I want to do everything possible to make sure you stay put for the next 8 months.

What developments have happened with me so far?  Smells have already started to bother me.  And I feel like that doesn’t bode well at all.  I had horrible morning sickness with your brother, and I have a sinking feeling that I’m going to have horrible morning sickness with you too.  I’m also starting to get really tired.  The level of exhaustion is just ridiculous.  But, as I tell your Dad and your Gram all the time, building major organ systems is exhausting work.

Despite the smells and the fatigue, I’m so excited that I’m pregnant with you, and I can’t wait to hold you and be your mom.  I love you so much!

Keep Growing,

Momma