Turning the Tap Off

I’ve stopped pumping. Pumping in my car just got to be too much. I didn’t pump at all on Friday, but I still nursed Henry like normal this past weekend. This week will be the big change for us.

We bought Henry some whole milk, and we’ll start to give him that during the day. I haven’t figured it out exactly, but I’m guessing that Henry will start going through my freezer stash of milk. We’ll probably give him 4 ounces once a day when he wakes up from his morning nap, and once that runs out, then we’ll be done with daytime nursing….

I felt so conflicted about this. It breaks my heart to really start the weaning process. I have no idea how Henry will do with it, or how I will handle it. I’m extremely emotional about it all, and have almost started crying about it several times today. But, it seems like the only real option available to us. One of the many reasons that this is so hard is that I don’t think that Henry is anywhere ready to wean. He asks to nurse several times throughout the day. It might be 3 seconds of nursing, or 30 minutes. I have no idea how he’ll handle it when I give him a cup of cow’s milk instead of letting him nurse, and it worries me a lot. I just keep envisioning him throwing the cup and crying.

I’m still going to nurse him once in the morning when we wakes up, once in the afternoon/ early evening when I get home from work (this will be the next one to go), and once at night before he goes to bed, so it’s not totally stopping, but slowing way down from the 5 to 6 nursing sessions that we were doing.

Nursing Henry has been one of the best experiences of my life. I feel wonderful and proud that I was/am able to do it for as long as we have. Making it to 13 months of full on breastfeeding is fantastic. Now, if only I could convince my tear ducts that this is a happy occasion I would be set. =)

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3 thoughts on “Turning the Tap Off

  1. Bittersweet.
    I don’t look forward to this one. Just like giving solids. I feel the same as you, pride at being his ONLY source of nutrients. Knowing that this little being relies solely on me for life. Hard for us to let go of. Good for them to grow and change though I guess.
    I have looked to you since before day one as a source of what to expect next. You are much farther in the process than us, but your feelings reflect my anticipation of things to come.
    I hope he takes to the cows milk okay. Hugs to you mama.
    Lex

    • Thank you so much. It is indeed very bitter sweet, but I guess it’s just one of those things every breastfeeding mama has to go through. All the hormones I’m feeling from cutting back so much aren’t making this process any easier…

      • I didn’t even think about the hormones that go with it! Dang!
        He looks like a snuggle bug though. I’m betting that breast milk aside, he’ll still love to snuggle with his mama.
        “This too shall pass” is what my mama tells me when something is rough.

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