Feeling Guilty

This week has been hard on me for so many reasons, my work environment is at the top of that list.  However, this week I’ve also been really missing Henry.  I’ve been feeling an incredible amount of guilt about working full time and having Henry in daycare full time.

 I feel like I should be able to find a way to pull in the money we need to pay bills and be able to stay home with the baby – you know – juggling it all.  And, I have to say that I kinda feel like a failure that I can’t do that.  I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the fact that I only get to see Henry for about 2 hours a day.  An hour in the morning when we’re getting ready, and about an hour in the evening when we get home.  And it’s breaking my heart.  I really feel like the people at his daycare are raising him more than I am, and that thought brings me to tears.
All of these guilty feelings are probably compounded with the fact that I hate my job and really resent the fact that I have to be here 5-6 days a week instead of cuddling my baby.  I know things will get better all around when I have a different job, and I’m so looking forward to that time.  I know it’s going to happen eventually.  I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

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