Guilt

I have a dilemma.  I hate my job.  I’ve hated it ever since I’ve started working here.  The things that I do are very monotonous and tedious.  There is no chance of ever getting more responsibility or moving up, and the pay is not that great.  But there is one upside: I get to bring Henry to work with me.

When I was pregnant I was told I’d be able to work from home after I had the baby.  Well, that was taken away from us when Henry was about 6 weeks old.  I was too upset by that to even write about it.

I love that Henry is with me all day.  That I get to turn around and look at his smiling face whenever I want.  Or take a time out to play with him when I need it.

But, I feel stuck.  If Henry wasn’t in the picture, I’d find another job immediately.  But he is here.  And after getting to spend all of this time with him, and not having to pay for day care, I feel insanely guilty for even thinking of looking for another job right now.  I mean, how many people get to take their baby to work with them?  It’s not that I don’t think that someone else could take care of Henry all day, or keep him happy or entertained.  I’m sure that he’d be perfectly content and even happy in daycare.  It’s the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see him as much.

I guess I’m in that spot that all mothers face at some point.  Career vs. family.

Right now I think spending time with Henry is more important.  But, I’m thinking that at some point I won’t be able to stand this job anymore.  And, I’m worried that when that happens that I won’t be able to take the guilt of putting Henry into daycare when I had the option to keep him with me all day.

image (13)

This is the smiling face that I get to see when I turn around right now.

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3 thoughts on “Guilt

  1. Find another job. It is better for everyone – for J. and Henry and your whole family if you are happy. Don’t wait until you can’t stand your job. Remind yourself that you are doing this for Henry, so that you can be happy when you are around him and not a stressed, cranky mess. Find another job.

  2. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I tend to be on the side of, do what makes you happy because everyone will be happy; however, I would also feel insanely guilty, so I sympathize. I know I wasn’t much help, but I do hope you find a happy medium. What a cutie he is, btw!

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