Fat

I was overweight before I was pregnant.  I wouldn’t call myself fat, I’m not obese, just overweight.  So far in my pregnancy I’ve gained about 10 lbs (I’m estimating here – all of my doctor appointments weigh me after lunch and before they let me pee – and by their count I’ve gained 15 lbs).  I think that’s fairly reasonable.  I’m not going crazy, I didn’t throw caution to the wind and eat everything in sight.  I realized that I am overweight and that I don’t need to gain all that much for this pregnancy.  I’m hoping that I can make it all the way though with only gaining about 20 lbs.  Anyway, the whole reason for this blog post is that I’m sick of people cautioning me not to gain weight.  I had to listen to J’s grandparents talk for about 5 minutes about my weight yesterday.   They kept going on and on how I shouldn’t gain any weight for this pregnancy, because I won’t be able to lose it, or it will be really hard to lose and it wouldn’t be healthy for me gain any.  I just sat there smiling and nodding, thinking that people need to watch what comes out of their mouths, and that comments, well intentioned or not, can be really hurtful.

My mom came to visit me a couple weeks back.  I was 18 weeks pregnant at the time.  She just kept commenting that I wasn’t showing yet.  When I pointed to my tummy and said, “um, yeah I am, that’s the baby,” she responded with “that’s not the baby, that’s just f…” And then she quickly changed the subject.  When I first became pregnant, we’re talking probably up until 10 week here, my mom would ask almost weekly how much weight I’ve gained.  I refused to tell her, because honestly it’s no ones business but mine and my doctor’s.  And again, people need to watch what comes out of their mouths, because these comments are really hurtful, and it just chips away at my self esteem.

I really don’t think that I’m doing that badly.  I still fit into ALL of my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I can still button my jeans (I don’t ’cause it’s super uncomfortable – but the action can still be done!)  I did break down and buy maternity clothes this week mostly because I’m getting tired of the belly bands.  One of them fell apart in the washing machine and it’s slowly unraveling, I took this as a sign.  I know that I really shouldn’t let what other people say bother me, but not only is that easier said than done, it’s also near impossible to do when it’s your family that’s making you upset.  So, far strangers and acquaintances have been very nice to me.

But really, the nerve of people to sit there and call me fat (in a passive aggressive way or flat out), or to tell me to be careful not to gain too much weight…..when will people realize that these comments are mean and just plain hurtful?  I think it’s a good rule of thumb to never comment on a pregnant women’s size.  No matter if you think her bump or her are too big or too small.  Keep it to yourself.  Seriously, just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings….

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6 thoughts on “Fat

  1. Gosh, how annoying. Weight is the one thing that I get so sick of dealing with in society. Why does everyone talk about people’s weights? Like it’s kind of ridiculous. We’re obsessed. She’s too thin. She’s too fat. She’s the perfect size. WHATEVER who the hell cares? No one talks about other people’s “bodily functions.” It IS SO ANNOYING. and MY GOODNESS during pregnancy? Like you can even help it? You can’t determine how the weight comes on, or the shape of your belly.
    Man that makes me livid.
    I think all pregnant women are truly beautiful. I am sure you are too 🙂
    And you know what, I bet that this “don’t gain too much weight” is just the start of people telling you what to do/how to do it, etc. Whether with pregnancy or after.
    You should start telling people “Yes ___, and make sure during the Holidays you don’t eat too much because I don’t want you getting too fat and having a hard time losing it.”
    ugh!

  2. OMG, I hate people. It really isn’t anyone’s business. I am 27 weeks tomorrow and I have gained about 22 lbs. And you know what? Who cares? I mean, yes, it is sometimes really hard for me to look at that number on the scale, but I have another whole PERSON inside me and I am going to gain weight. Dammit. Just ignore those people who think that they are the authority on YOUR body and the appropriate amount YOU should gain. Everyone is different and it is none of their business!!!

    Emily over at http://www.epa82.wordpress.com said something really awesome today about this very same thing:
    “Pregnant women are not public property and are not up for discussion. If we volunteer information about how we look, it is always always best to be supportive and positive in your comments. Even if a pregnant woman is indeed gaining a lot, there’s not a lot she can do about it because she can’t just try to reduce by putting herself on a low-carb diet and having an hour-long cardio workout everyday. No one – whether they’re perfect strangers, family, or anyone in between – has the right to make flip, inconsiderate comments about a pregnant woman’s size and what they perceive to be her progress. Her body is doing some really amazing things right now and should be respected.”

  3. wow…I can’t decide what’s worse…warnings for pregnant women to not gain too much weight or insensitive questions towards non pregnant women asking about when they’ll be pregnant!
    You probably have already realized (and I have been warned my my mommy friends) that EVERYONE will try and give you advice. I’m already preparing myself not to listen, and I’m not even pregnant yet! But just remember to go by what your doc says. If he says you’re fine, then you’re fine. Sorry you’re going through this!! Hope it gets better!

  4. I’ve been meaning to tell you.. I have some advice for you. As you know, you are pregnant, and before you were pregnant you were a woman, which means that your body is public property. We all get to judge it, make snarky comments about it, and tell you what to do with it. (Don’t get upset – remember, it’s God’s plan!)

    Here is my advice — eat more ice cream. None of that cheap, crappy ice cream. Get the good stuff and eat a little bit everyday. Remember – if you’re not eating ice cream it’s because you don’t love yourself and we’ll all judge you for that.

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