Fighting for Optimism

My husband J and I have reached a point where we are ready for a family.  I’m hoping that this blog can be an outlet for me while we’re TTC, as well as when we are pregnant, and subsequently when we have a baby.  We’re super excited and nervous at the prospect of becoming parents, but above all we believe that we’re ready.  As ready as two people without children can believe that they’re ready to have kids.

I’ve been tracking my basal body temperature every morning, as well as my cervical fluid and cervix placement and texture, and everything that I can do to get ready to start trying.  We haven’t started trying yet.  Don’t get me wrong – we’ve been practicing =), but nothing official.  I’ve been off of birth control since June 20 and was told to have 2 periods that weren’t birth  control induced, and it’s taken till the middle of September for that to happen.  I’ll ovulate around the 30th of this month – which will mark the beginning of us TTC – unless you count all the prep work leading up to it, and I’m not sure that I do.

We have a couple things that might/will (not sure of the correct word placement here) make it difficult for us to conceive.  The first being that I have endometriosis.  I haven’t had a laproscopy to confirm, for some reason my doctor has never recommended it, but I have all of the symptoms.  For those of you that don’t know what endometriosis is, know that it’s painful, excruciating and debilitating and can cause infertility.  The second hurtle to over come is the fact that I have long cycles.  While they appear to be regular, they last about 40 days.  While this isn’t a medical problem, it does mean that we’ll have fewer chances within the year to try.  If we don’t get pregnant right away, the next time we’ll be able to try will be in the middle of November.

The reason I’m fighting for optimism is that I don’t think that we’ll get pregnant right away.  I’d love to be wrong, I’m wishing and hoping that I’m wrong, but I don’t think it’s going to happen this year.  I have a strong feeling that I am going to have a long and painful year ahead of me.

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